Why the Way Pro-Lifers Treat Clinic Escorts Matters
When interacting with clinic escorts, think about whether your actions support or hinder your outreach efforts.
This post was written by a pro-life sidewalk counselor who preferred to remain anonymous.
If you’re a pro-lifer who has done sidewalk counseling, then you’re probably familiar with the clinic escorts who usher women in and out of the abortion facility, usually before you’ve had a chance to talk with them. It’s also likely that you’ve understandably felt frustrated or saddened by this, as the presence of clinic escorts can make our goal of saving babies and helping families a little more difficult.
I’ve seen some pro-lifers respond to this situation by mocking clinic escorts or treating them with outright hostility. Yes, there are clinic escorts who harass pro-life sidewalk counselors, and yes, those clinic escorts should be held accountable.
But when that’s not the case, I think the pro-lifers who frequently encounter clinic escorts outside of abortion facilities should remember the secondary goal of sidewalk counseling. We’re not only there to save lives, but to serve as a peaceful witness to the community. When dealing with clinic escorts, I believe it’s essential to ask whether our actions support or hinder that goal.
First Impressions
When I met Kay, it was my first time sidewalk counseling at an abortion facility with clinic escorts. I usually sidewalk counseled at facilities where pro-lifers are required to stand across the street, but on that day, a friend needed some additional people on the ground and asked if I could help out.
I knew from the training courses I had taken on sidewalk counseling that clinic escorts can make it harder to talk with abortion-minded women and their partners. So when I walked up to the abortion facility that day and saw several pro-choice volunteers in orange vests already standing out front, I expected that I might face some challenges.
In my hands, I held cards that contained information about free pregnancy resources and after-abortion support programs. As I had anticipated, the clinic escorts moved to intercept me when I tried to talk with or hand a card to a woman entering the abortion facility. This continued throughout most of the day, although some women or their partners accepted the card when I handed it to them.
Throughout my time engaging in outreach, I smiled at the people heading into the abortion facility, my demeanor warm and approachable as I handed out cards with information. I maintained a calm tone when offering women and their partners alternative resources that could provide them with financial assistance or free pregnancy help.
At one point, I moved from the spot on the sidewalk where I had been standing to talk with someone getting out of her car and walking toward the facility. Later, when I tried to return to the same spot, Kay blocked my path. We hadn’t interacted much before that moment, aside from her stepping in front of people as she led them to the facility to prevent me from passing them a card.
I said nothing and went to walk around her, but she blocked my path again. She laughed and said something about how she wasn’t going to let me harass women. I replied that I wasn’t harassing anyone and that I was just offering information about free pregnancy resources.
Kay laughed again before whispering something to another clinic escort standing near her. I decided not to engage, and I continued passing out the cards in my hand.
I can’t say for sure what Kay was thinking in that moment. It’s possible that she has had some negative experiences with pro-lifers during her time as a clinic escort, and maybe she acted out of frustration and bitterness.
What I do know is why I chose not to antagonize Kay or argue with her, and no, it’s not because I’m a pushover. I just didn’t see the point in responding with heated words or reacting strongly to her when I could easily stand elsewhere and still hand out cards.
Aside from that brief interaction with Kay, the rest of the day promised to be quiet and uneventful. As the morning gave way to the afternoon, more pro-life advocates began to arrive.
While most of them opted to pray or hand out information about free resources, there was one gentleman who decided to take an approach that I don’t recommend.
A Tense Situation
The man appeared to be middle-aged, and he carried with him a large sign depicting Mary, the mother of God. Now, I’m not saying that you should never use religious imagery or share your faith when you’re doing outreach outside an abortion facility.
In fact, I know several sidewalk counselors who have successfully rescued a baby from abortion after connecting with an abortion-minded woman over their shared faith. But a woman who is not religious or does not come from the same faith background may be more inclined to ignore you if you use distinctive religious imagery when sidewalk counseling.
Again, the large image of Mary wasn’t the problem, as maybe it would have appealed to an abortion-minded woman who happened to be Catholic. But this man was yelling the Hail Mary prayer while standing directly in front of the abortion facility, an approach where the most likely result is people feeling tense and nervous.
From the way the clinic escorts were talking among themselves about him, it seemed that they were familiar with this man and his tactics. I noticed that they even seemed to move faster when it came to walking women up to the facility and ushering them through the door. During the morning, only one clinic escort had walked women to the door, but two or three started walking with them after the man arrived.
I didn’t know if the man’s behavior had anything to do with the change, and if it didn’t, then it was quite the coincidence. The man’s yelling and overall aggressive demeanor also made those entering the facility less likely to talk with the other sidewalk counselors.
After saying one last Hail Mary, the man approached the clinic escorts one by one, jabbing his finger in their faces as he told them things like, “You’re a murderer!” and “You’re demonic! You’re killing babies!”
One blonde-haired pro-life girl who was standing next to me and praying the rosary raised her head, telling the man he shouldn’t talk to the clinic escorts that way. I agreed, telling the man that, even if I didn’t agree with the pro-choice volunteers, his actions were unhelpful. He yelled something about how the clinic escorts were all demonic, marching over to a young clinic escort who looked like she was about 5’5, his much taller frame towering over her.
Without thinking, I put myself between the two of them, holding my hands up in a peaceful gesture as I tried to reason with the man. I told him that I agreed with him that abortion is wrong, but what he was doing was not the way to advocate against it.
He muttered something incomprehensible, and I continued trying to talk with him, but my words didn’t seem to be getting through. He tried to move around me to yell at the clinic escort some more, who had by this point moved to stand somewhere else, and I asked him again to please stop and think about what he was doing.
The man ignored me, and as he started moving toward the other clinic escorts to insult them, I tried once again to gain his attention by standing in front of him. Only this time, I heard someone behind me call out my name.
I turned and saw that it was Kay who had said my name. Throughout the day, I had introduced myself to the women entering the clinic, so it wasn’t that surprising that she knew my name. What did surprise me, however, was the soft, unguarded expression on her face.
“From the bottom of my heart, thank you,” Kay said. “But I don’t want you to get hit.”
While the man’s behavior had been aggressive, I didn’t think that he’d hit me, and I said as much to Kay. She thanked me again for defending one of her fellow clinic escorts, but she didn’t want to see me get hurt.
As Kay and I stood talking to one another, the man who had been antagonizing the clinic escorts gathered up his materials and left without another word. I told Kay that she and I may disagree about abortion, but I didn’t think what that man did was right. I said that even if we disagreed, I thought it was important to treat one another like human beings.
Kay nodded at this, saying, “And just so you know, if someone who’s pro-choice does something like that to you, the rest of us will defend you. "
Pro-Life Chalk
After the incident involving the aggressive pro-lifer, Kay and I developed a cordial relationship. We started exchanging greetings when we saw each other outside the abortion facility, smiling as we said good morning to each other.
Sometimes, when the number of people entering the facility was low, we’d even make small talk. During these quieter moments outside the clinic, Kay would give me make-up tips, or we’d talk about the weird boys we knew in college. Even though she was pro-choice and a clinic escort, and I was a pro-life sidewalk counselor, a level of trust had formed between us.
I don’t know if Kay did this intentionally, but when she walked women to the abortion facility, she wouldn’t make it harder for them to hear me by telling them to ignore me like some of the other clinic escorts.
And every time I left after a day of sidewalk counseling, Kay would call out “Be safe!” as I gathered my belongings and headed back to my car.
Kay and I were on opposite sides of an important issue, but we could still be civil to one another. Some of the other clinic escorts at this particular abortion facility, however, did not appear to share this view.
Kay had to work on weekends sometimes, so she wasn’t always available to volunteer as a clinic escort, and I didn’t have the same relationship with the others that I did with her.
After a few months of sidewalk counseling outside the abortion facility with the clinic escorts, I started thinking of other ways to share information with pregnant women and their partners.
There were days when I doubted that a woman walking into the abortion facility even heard me because the clinic escorts loudly talked over me as they ushered her inside. Or, I wouldn’t even have a chance to hand a woman a card with information about free resources because the clinic escorts had formed a wall around her.
So, because I couldn’t always give a card to a woman or the person accompanying her, I started writing the information in chalk on the sidewalk. I’d write things like “Pregnant? Need Help?” and then I’d include the number for Option Line, a pregnancy help hotline. I also wrote the number for Support After Abortion in chalk so those who went through with an abortion could find healing.
I did this for several months with almost no pushback, but after a while, the clinic escorts started to make it harder to share information this way as well.
After I finished writing, several of them would usually try to smear the chalk with their feet, while others would dump the contents of their water bottles over it. A few times, when I was in the middle of chalking, a clinic escort would try to stop me by walking over and standing on the sidewalk square that I was writing on.
If these clinic escorts were expecting an explosive reaction, then I imagine they were disappointed, as I didn’t give them one. I’d usually just redo the chalk writings that they had erased, or I’d just focus on sidewalk counseling.
Kay usually wasn’t there on the days that the other clinic escorts tried to stop me from chalking, but when she was, she didn’t join them in trying to erase it. I didn’t know how she felt about what they were doing until she approached me one cloudy morning as I was walking up to the clinic.
She hadn’t been outside the clinic for a couple of months, so I hadn’t seen her in a while. Kay asked how I was and commented on the possibility of rain, noting that it might make it more difficult for me to do my chalk writing.
I had never spoken with Kay about how the other clinic escorts would try to make it harder for me to write information about free pregnancy resources on the sidewalk, but she brought it up that day.
“Listen, I had a talk with the other clinic escorts, and I reminded them that we’re not supposed to mess with your stuff,” she said. “I told them that if they had a problem with that, then they could go reread the volunteer manual for clinic escorting.”
“You should be able to do your chalk writing uninterrupted today, but if anyone gives you any trouble, let me know, and I’ll talk with them,” Kay assured me.
Surprised, I mumbled out a thank you. Just as Kay said, no one bothered me that day as I wrote the contact numbers for Option Line, Standing With You, and Support After Abortion on the sidewalk, including a brief summary of the resources offered by each organization.
There weren’t a lot of women arriving at the clinic that day, and at one point, I found myself talking with Kay as I leaned against the railing of the stairway leading into the facility. It was nearing the time when I usually went home when another sidewalk counselor showed up, this one carrying a bullhorn.
We didn’t have to stand across the street at this clinic, so the sight of the bullhorn made me nervous about what I predicted would happen next. The female sidewalk counselor started yelling into the bullhorn, screaming that the facility didn’t care about women and only wanted to profit from killing their babies.
“But we care about you!” she shouted, reciting the phone numbers of several organizations that women in need of resources could call.
I understand that pro-lifers who are sidewalk counseling at clinics that force them to stand far away from the facility may need to use a bullhorn to make themselves heard. This often presents another challenge, as even if the woman and her partner hear you, you still need to make sure you sound gentle and inviting.
At a facility where pro-lifers are allowed to stand directly near the entrance and pass out information, however, I wouldn’t advise using a bullhorn. It’s more likely to make the women you’re trying to help feel nervous, and it makes you look unapproachable, regardless of your intentions.
At some point, a security guard with the clinic stepped outside, probably due to the noise from the bullhorn. His stepping out front seemed like more of a reminder that the clinic had security, as he didn’t take any action aside from standing near the doors.
As the security guard watched the other sidewalk counselor continue yelling into the bullhorn, he shook his head and smirked. Kay, who was standing near the security guard, also shook her head, but I noticed her glance over at me.
The loud noise continued for a few minutes, until the security guard’s patience wore out.
“Y’all really piss me off,” he said, looking at me. “It’s none of your business! Why do you have to be out here chasing people, making them feel guilty, and making them cry?”
I replied that I wasn’t “chasing” anyone, and that I was offering support to anyone who needed it. When he asked me what I had done for these women whom I claimed that I wanted to help, I told him that I had aided women in obtaining the material resources they needed, helped them pay their rent or other bills, in addition to listening and offering comfort to those who regretted their abortions and needed to talk to someone.
The security guard seemed to scoff at this, but he didn’t comment. As the other sidewalk counselor continued yelling into the bullhorn, the security guard stated again how much the presence of people like me angered him, accusing me of making his job more difficult.
“I will vouch for her,” Kay said, coming to stand beside me. “She doesn’t do that.”
Eventually, the sidewalk counselor stopped yelling into the bullhorn, and the security guard went back inside, with Kay following closely behind.
Shortly after that day, I left for a vacation with my family, so I wasn’t able to sidewalk counsel for a few weeks. When I returned, I took my usual spot near the clinic entrance and prepared to pass out cards.
I heard the facility’s front door open, and out walked Kay and another clinic escort. Kay saw me right away and, without a word, she came over and pulled me into a hug. The clinic escort she was with looked surprised, as did the two pro-life sidewalk counselors standing nearby.
“Do as I say, not as I do,” she said as she pulled away. “I know we’re not supposed to, but, oh well.”
I can only guess why Kay decided to hug me that day. Perhaps she thought I was upset about what had happened with the security guard, and that was why I had stayed away from the clinic for so long. While I wished the conversation with the security guard had gone better, I hoped she knew that he hadn’t frightened me away from the clinic.
I hadn’t expected a hug from Kay when I resumed sidewalk counseling, but it wasn’t unwelcome, and I hugged her back. When things were slow, Kay and I talked like we usually did, and I noticed she also made an effort to include me in any conversations she was having with her fellow clinic escort.
The other clinic escort, a young girl who appeared to be in her twenties, seemed unsure about what to make of this. I tried talking with her, but she only responded with one-word answers.
Kay’s willingness to socialize with me, however, seemed to encourage the other two pro-lifers who were present on the sidewalk. The two college-aged girls didn’t hesitate to strike up a conversation with Kay, and she happily chatted with them, even offering advice on the best moisturizers to use.
Later that day, the security guard from a few weeks ago stepped outside to do his usual walk around the clinic's perimeter. I greeted him politely when he walked past me, but he refused to make eye contact and continued walking.
He and I didn’t know each other well, and while I knew we weren’t friends, the dynamic between us had been different just a few weeks ago. If I greeted him, he would acknowledge me, and we had even talked casually several times about TV shows or movies.
It made me a little sad that whatever trust had formed between us seemed to be broken, and I wasn’t sure if there was something more that I could have done to fix it.
Kay hovered nearby as the security guard walked by me, giving me a thumbs up, wordlessly asking if I was alright. I nodded to let her know that I was okay. When I finished sidewalk counseling for the day, Kay bid her usual farewell, telling me, “Be safe!”
I had the opportunity later to meet up with the two pro-lifers who had seen me talking with Kay, and they asked how I had developed such a good relationship with her. I told them about the incident where I had felt the need to step in when another pro-lifer became aggressive, and how Kay and I were always friendly and respectful towards each other from then on.
“Yeah, we tried talking with some of the other clinic escorts, but they mostly ignored us,” one of the girls said. “But not Kay. She was super nice, and she kept talking to us.”
Conclusion:
I’ve heard some pro-lifers accuse clinic escorts of preventing them from approaching women and families because the escorts are “pro-abortion” and they want babies to die. I think the ones who say things that suggest they’re okay with killing babies are likely just trying to get a rise out of pro-lifers.
Many clinic escorts I’ve encountered genuinely believe that they’re protecting women from a confrontation that they fear will only make an already stressful day even worse. Their presence is something that should make pro-lifers consider how they’ve approached women entering abortion facilities and whether it’s time to change tactics.
When we’re sidewalk counseling or engaging in any type of outreach outside of an abortion facility, we want women and their partners to know that there are pro-lifers they can trust to support them.
If you’re a sidewalk counselor, consider how you try to start a conversation with the people entering the facility. Are you acting in a way that would make someone turn to one of the clinic escorts for protection? No one is going to want to listen to what you have to say if they don’t feel safe coming near you.
And if you’re sidewalk counseling outside an abortion facility with clinic escorts, then interacting with them will likely become a part of your outreach efforts. It’s understandable that some pro-lifers may feel frustrated when a clinic escort prevents them from sharing information with an abortion-minded woman.
But how does it make pro-lifers look when we antagonize clinic escorts by calling them “deathscorts," or if we scream at them that they’re terrible people? This seems counterproductive to our efforts to create a peaceful atmosphere outside the facility that women can turn to for help, rather than the clinic. It’s also just wrong to antagonize people.
Yes, I know some clinic escorts are not exactly kind to pro-lifers, and I’ve experienced that myself. I also know some pro-lifers have encountered clinic escorts who became threatening and physically violent.
For more advice on what to do if the latter situation arises, read this blog post by Jacob Nels at Equal Rights Institute, Why I Called the Police at the Abortion Facility Last Month. As for what to do when faced with a clinic escort who is mocking or bullying you in a non-threatening way, remember that you don’t want to be seen as the aggressor.
I am not at all saying that pro-lifers should remain silent if a clinic escort is behaving rudely or aggressively. I am advising, however, that pro-lifers consider a few important things when responding to a clinic escort who’s behaving like a bully.
The first is whether your response embodies the peaceful and loving approach you’re using when sidewalk counseling. How can you genuinely embody these traits when approaching women on the sidewalk if you’re quick to anger and snap back with an aggressive response?
Speaking of the women you’re attempting to reach, consider how they’re going to feel if you respond to a clinic escort’s taunts with yelling and name-calling. Not exactly someone you’d want to talk to, right?
Even if the clinic escort is the instigator, think carefully about how you respond and whether it’ll help de-escalate the tension or add to it.
Something else to remember is that abortion-minded women and their partners are not the only ones we want to reach when we’re sidewalk counseling. The clinic escorts need us, too, but in a different way. We want them to see that there are pro-lifers who genuinely care about women and are mindful of what they’re likely going through as they approach the abortion facility.
Unfortunately, not all clinic escorts are going to be friendly to pro-lifers, even if we are peacefully advocating for life. Still, that’s no reason to let ourselves become bitter and allow that to impact our outreach.
We have an opportunity when we’re sidewalk counseling to show the clinic escorts that the pro-life movement is about supporting women and families. Even if they don’t change their mind about abortion right away, we can at least take small steps to build trust by demonstrating that we’re kind people who want women to feel supported.
I was able to form a connection with Kay by simply being myself and acting like someone who wants abortion-minded women to feel safe and supported, and I hope other pro-lifers can develop a relationship like this with clinic escorts, too.